This
week was one of my favorites. Our class discussions primarily focused on communication.
I absolutely loved it and am excited to apply it in my personal life.
There
are three general channels of communication. Verbal is about 14% Tone is 35%
and Non-verbal is 51%. Over half of what we communicate is not anything that we
say. This is why it’s so important that one learns to communicate clearly.
One
of the books we discussed is called “Feeling Good Together” by David Burns. It
discusses how we can have better communication with those around us. Personally,
I’m really excited to add this to my personal library and study it further. The
main thing that we went over from his book is the 5 Secrets of Communication. They are as follows:
1.
Disarming technique.
2.
Express empathy.
3. Inquire.
4.
Your feelings, ie. When (event or situation), I felt (emotion), because (thoughts).
I would like (express hope).
5.
Express genuine admiration or appreciation.
The
disarming technique is lowering your own guard and being willing to be vulnerable.
By doing this one has the ability to disarm the situation. – personally, I think
this step is the hardest because it is so very scary to allow yourself to
potentially get hurt – once the situation is diffused, it allows for better
communication where neither is trying to protect themselves from attack.
Express
empathy. Put yourself in the other’s shoes and try to see the situation through
their eyes. What might they be feeling? How is the situation affecting them? Acknowledge
what they’re feeling and what they’ve said. One of the hardest things in communication
is feeling like you have not been heard. Hear them.
Inquiry
follows perfectly in that you ask gentle, probing questions to learn more about
what the other is feeling and thinking.
Express
your own feelings tactfully, don’t try to place blame, but focus on using
statements about how you feel. For example, Explain the even or the situation
and how you felt. Express why you felt that way and what you hope for – or the
resulting change.
Finally,
express genuine admiration or praise to the other person. Something that shows
thought and insight, and that can convey those feelings to the other.
Using
this model for communication proves opportunities to better understand the
other person and avoid harmful arguments and conflict. I hope to be able to
better apply this in my own life and the eventual conflicts and disagreements
that I get into.